my only lola

Oct 23, '08 5:21 PM for everyone

i have only one grandmother. this is because i never met dad's mom who, everyone says, looked exactly like me. my siblings and i grew up with only one lola, my mother's mom. though very, very strict when we were kids, lola was our pillar of strength throughout our lives - the single source of pure, solid love. i must also say that while ma talked about books, politics  and relatives, her own mother was always quiet and busy in the kitchen, ensuring we were well-fed and well-nourished. as we grew older and entered relationships, ma would scream and rant against the people in our lives, but lola remained quiet, and only dropped words of wisdom here and there. in the end, we would all follow lola (so now I’m an old maid, hahaha).

all these ran through my head when lola asked me today to buy ginataang langka from her suki in the bacolod central market. now, this request of lola is not that simple. you see, i get lost in our home city. i have lived somewhere far and in bigger cities most of my life; I don’t know the streets of Bacolod.  besides, lola never allowed me to go to the city proper alone.  there was always an aunt, uncle, or maid, or lola to go with me - and more often than not, all of them combined.  once, a male  friend from manila visited (classmate in MBA) and was shocked that we would be going out with two grandmothers in tow (lola's cousin was the second chaperone). yet.....i didn't have the heart to say no to lola all these years. Bahala na people find it weird, basta when she says she or an entire barangay would go with me to a simple trip to mcdonald’s, I just say, ok!  this must be a habit to her - or simply being locked in a time warp. for her, i will always be a child that might be run over in crossing the street, or wouldn't know the way home. come to think of it, this must be the reason i have no sense of direction - i never did figure out how to get out of ayala mall in cebu!

i was filled with sadness as i looked for her langka. you see, she would not have asked that of me if she was still strong. it must have been painful for her to ask that of me. that request crystallizes the fact that lola is now old - very old. she is already 90, and can no longer walk straight - not even to the bathroom. when i arrived from cebu, i was so shocked to see her lying there, so thin, with eyes bulging, and looked...well, dying. i had to stifle a cry when i saw her after a year. i thought, if the final moment happens when i'm here, for sure i will faint.

so there i was, walking round and round, careful not to show anyone that i was actually lost. finally, i found the site of the cooked vegetables area. i got the stuff, and the vendor says in tagalog: where is your lola? (they know i'm the non-fluent ilonggo apo  visiting all these years.) i felt a lump in my throat. as i turned right, there was the whole row of fresh produce dealers, and right there, with the noonday sun hitting me directly, it struck me with a pang that here is where lola would, year in and year out when i'd come home, bring me to do marketing. my lola, you see, is the greatest cook on earth! my siblings and i actually outdo each other in requesting her to cook bangus, which none of us or our respective assistants could do as well as she does.  her laswa (vegetable stew) is the best! name the dish, and she can whip it for you! she also insists on fresh produce everyday and so this central market chore is a daily ritual of ours everytime i am home. i stood rooted at the spot when a vendor says, again in tagalog: when did you arrive?

tears immediately sprang to my eyes as i realized that this year, 2008, is the first time in all my life that lola is not with me as i buy stuff from the central market.

i bought some stuff lola likes, and as i turned left, one of the old women in the stalls said, this time in the dialect: you're leaving already?

and suddenly, memories of lola accompanying me through the years in buying pasalubongs  flash in my head: do not buy from bongbong's or department stores, she would say, here is where they make real piaya.  see the muscovado sugar? it is straight from the mill, no preservatives here.  you should buy danggit here, not in the malls - this is where the province's natural products are brought. see those cookies? they are baked in pugon, not commercial; these are what you should give to your friends.

and i knew, right there and then, that i will not leave her now; that i will be here when the final moment comes; and that i will not faint.

i mustn't faint, for now it is my turn to hold her hand and walk her home - straight to the arms of our loving God.